It’s confusing for a dominant who wants to be even better because a lot of the information out there is misleading, contradictory, or downright false.
Whether you are an experienced dominant, just starting out, or think that it could be for you, my intention is to help you. First, I’ll share 5 myths of what being a better dominant is not about and then 7 ways to be a better dominant.
The connection between a dominant and submissive, is, at the deepest level one of an energy. And to know about the latest videos on how to use your energy to improve your life and relationships, make sure to subscribe. Also, on instagram, there are tips not available here – @ericmichael.en
What not to do is often as important or more than what to do.
Myth #1: Being a better dominant is not about how much money you have.
While romance novels, audios, series and movies tend to portray the rich dominant with the aspiring submissive, this is not a requirement. The challenge is that if you are not rich and feel you need to be, what will damage the dynamic is how your lack of confidence will manifest itself in all areas. Your submissive will likely sense it and start to feel less attracted.
Myth #2: Being a better dominant means you know all the techniques.
It can be intimidating especially at first for a new dominant as there are so many techniques out there – fire play, impact play, power play, and the list goes on. Your dominant/submissive relationship is where she is consentually giving you control over aspects of her life. This power exchange can be in many ways and is not required a specific technique. Not to mention, learning new techniques together is exciting and it creates a special connection for a sub knowing that it’s both of your first times.
Myth #3: Dominance is about telling the other what to do
Anyone can bark orders to do something, but that is not true dominance. Think of dominance like leadership and force (or giving orders) is one of the lowest levels. A much higher level of leadership and dominance is being a person who she wants to follow and obey.
Myth #4: Your dominant scenes are about fulfilling your fantasies
A great dominant finds out what the fantasies of their submissive are, and then where there they are not on their hard limit list, do them. The dominant finds pleasure feeling the expanding energy of their submissive and leads them into ever greater sub-space. The intention is on the expansion of the submissive, which brings pleasure to the dominant, and on after care to bring the submissive back to physical reality safely and with love. You may be asking when is. the dominant fulfilled, and the answer is, with this as your primary focus – on giving – when you feel the need to be fulfilled, you order your submissive to do what you want. She’ll be a willing and turned on participant because the dynamic was one of focusing on her first.
Myth #5: You need to be perfect to be a great dominant
A great dominant makes mistakes, learns from them, and becomes better as a result. Trying to be perfect exudes lack of security and this is a turn off for a submissive. Be real – about what you are great at, be humble as no one is better than anyone else, and be strong in your determination to become better daily. This will not only set a great example for your submissive but create an environment where she can be herself and trust that you will accept those parts of her that aren’t their favorite.
Let’s look now at how to be a better dominant.
#1: Continually improve yourself
In any area of life – whether sports, business, relationships and especially dominance, commit to the process. While you don’t have the expectation of being perfect or of expecting perfection from another, you do all you can to improve to the best of your ability every day.
This can be in learning about new techniques, methods, personal development, expanding your leadership skills, getting mentored, watching videos, and learning about energy methods – since this is the core of what we are.
It’s a mindset I’ve adopted of reflecting on the prior day, identifying what I could do better and then doing it. Keep a journal each day and you’ll be able to reflect on your progress.
#2: Remove the masks
Masks are the way we act in certain circumstance to fit in, hide our fears, and portray ourselves as someone different than our authentic self. You likely have them as well as your submissive.
It’s normal to ask your submissive to reveal all about themselves to you. And the best way to lead this is to go first by setting the example.
For example, a dominant may not share certain aspects about himself that impact their submissive for fear of the submissive not liking and wanting to leave the dynamic. The problem is that this one mask will hinder the expansion of the relationship and foster even greater issues over time.
Start by asking yourself what things you aren’t sharing about yourself because of fear, past issues, trauma, or something else. Start with the small things and one by one, when the moment feels right, share them. Removing masks can even extend to doing scenes that you may be scared of, for the benefit of your submissive and to expand their and your consciousness.
And ask your submissive to do the same.
#3: Commit to dialog and flexibility
Share how you feel. You open yourself emotionally. And create a space where you submissive can do the same. Talk, share, listen, be flexible, and find the solutions that are simple, free from your ego’s involvement and result in expansion for both of you. If you feel yourself getting upset, share how you feel without falling into defensiveness or attacks. Allow negative emotions to bring you closer and to create an even greater energetic connection between your most authentic selves.
#4: Become a better leader
Dominance is about being who she wants to get on her knees and serve. Study and learn about the different levels of leadership. For example, dominance or leadership through power is much lower than one who inspires others to follow. Not only will this positively impact your dynamic, but all areas of your life.
#5: Use their submission to help them in even greater ways
When we enter a euphoric state of pleasure, our energy system is more open to being influenced. You as a great dominant want the best for your submissive – in and out of intimacy and play.
For example, at the peak emotional moment of a scene, verbally guide your submissive to dissolve the dark energies of a past trauma, or to connect with an infinite source of positive energy for greater success in their career. We are energy at our core, and the more our energy is clean (e.g. without negative thoughts, fears, traumas, or dark energy), the better things go.
#6: Continually expand your limits
It’s like going to the gym – you need to lift continually heavier weights to grow. Do the same in your dominant/submissive dynamic.
For example, show your submissive videos or stories and get feedback as to what they most want to try. Talk about each of your fears, worries, and safety. Then lead the scene with the focus on expanding your pleasure, connection with each other, and the energetic expansion you feel when your euphoria reaches peak proportions and it feels as if you are one with the universe.
As part of after play or later, talk about how each felt, grew, and use this as a springboard to repeat.
#7: Experience being a submissive to be a better dominant
Learn how it feels to give your submissive power for a scene both like. For example, experience how it would be to be lightly in bondage. You’ll have a greater understanding of how your submissive feels mentally and physically, trust will be expanded, connection be deeper, your dominance enhanced (because a great dominant will do things they aren’t normally comfortable with), and you may discover some things you like.
I want to hear from you – which method or myth resonated most with you. And what questions do you have?
If you like the video, please give the video a thumbs up and share so together we can positively impact more people.
And, since dominance and submissive is at its core about a power play of energy and expansion, the more you develop your abilities with energy, the better dominant I think you will be. You’re invited to a free energy methods masterclass. The link is in the description.
And remember you are already a great dominant getting better every day.