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How To Gain Confidence By Identifying Your Standards (Stop Being So “Nice”)

To illustrate this concept, can you visualize a man and a woman talking. She says she likes rock. He says, “Oh, me too.

She says, “I like to go hiking.” He says, “Me too.” She says, “Well, I like to cook.” He says, “Oh, me too.”

Well, that’s exaggerated, a little bit of illustration. You’re already sensing he’s not really appearing as very congruent, very sincere, very authentic, and definitely not very confident.

Let’s take another example. A different man and woman are having a conversation. He starts out by talking about how he really likes it when women like to do some type of athletic activity. He asks her what kind is her favorite one.

They continue talking and then she mentions that she loves rock. He says, “You know, rock is really nice, but you know what my favorite is? Classical Spanish guitar.” He continues with a big smile on his face saying, “When you listen to the Spanish guitar video that I have, you’re gonna change from rock over to Spanish guitar.”

You’re already getting a sense, just by that example, that he’s appearing more confident, more sincere, more congruent with really who he is. And definitely more confident.

So here’s the time when we’re going to improve and increase your confidence. So grab a pen and paper, or open up a document on your computer or your your phone.

We’re going to write down and create 3 different columns. First column is, “no-go.” You can put “no-go.”

The second column is “flexible.” The third column is “have to have.”

We’re going to fill this in, or start to fill it in for the social interpersonal area of your life.

Keep in mind, you can also do the same thing (and I highly recommend it) for the financial, spiritual, and enjoyment areas of your life as well.

If I were to start in those 3 different columns, I would start out for the no-go. Definitely in terms of friendships for me, anybody who’s doing drugs, anybody who really has a negative energy consistently, would be a no-go for me.

Flexible–their hobbies, their interests, taste in music, things like that.

Then for a must have–for me really, really important is to have a really positive energy you can really sense it when you’re with them. And someone who is honest.

I would also go into more detail on all 3 categories, but that would definitely be the start. I wanted to give you an illustration if I were doing it for myself, so that you can do the same for yourself.

Now that we’ve identified these 3 columns, how are we going to use them in order to get more of what you want to manifest?

Well what you want and the focus of the video is on increasing your your confidence and making you appear as even more confident too. So what you’re going to do is you’re going to start including these, keeping them in your mind. First of all, by having written them down they’re going to be fresher in your mind.

If you want, you can look at it frequently, or whatever frequency it is that would work for you to keep it in your mind.

Then when you go out and you interact with people, you’re going to use these to help screen other people. When I talk about screening other people, there’s a lot of different ways to do it.

You can be very direct and say, “So, do you like Mexican food?” if that’s really important for you. That’s pretty strong in most cases. You have to use your common sense. Is that going to be appropriate?

What you can also do is you can talk about, for example, something you read or a study.

For example, “I read that most people really love to go jogging in a park because of the fresh air. What do you think? Do you think that’s true?” So you’re kind of referencing something else, so it’s not so direct and not so personal.

You could also talk about, for example, let’s just say friends you have or maybe someone that you would gone out with before. You could talk about it, just be sharing information. For example, “You know what? A lot of my friends really like to go out to bars on Friday nights. How about your friends? What do you think of that? And then you shut up and you listen.

So in summary, you can be really direct and really screen kind of hard, or you can be more subtle about it. Talk about something, talk about the topic in general. Get their feedback and then listen.

The other way you can do it is you can talk about friends or other people that you know. Or talk about the topic and then get their feedback. What do they think about that? Then based on what they said, you can make a decision. Is this a definite, is this a no-go quality, or is this one that you’re really flexible on?


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